Ep 77: From Emotional Eating and Bariatric Surgery to Optimal Health, Balance, and Mindful Living with Allan Friedman
My guest today, Allan Friedman, is a member of the Wits & Weights community and a one-on-one coaching client of mine who has gone through his own physical and mental transformation during our time together. He has a passion for sharing knowledge, engaging with fellow health and fitness enthusiasts, and always being of service.
Today we’ll explore his early influences in nutrition and fitness, his personal connection to health and well-being, and how his professional background informed his fitness journey. Allan will share how he's overcome resistance, developed a positive attitude toward fitness, transitioned from emotional to mindful eating, and managed nutrition as a bariatric patient.
Allan Friedman was a School Psychologist for over 30 years, skilled in Developmental Psychology, School Psychology, and Mindfulness Training. In the fitness industry, he loved being a Spinning® Instructor for over 12 years. He maintains a Yoga Instructor Certification with additional certification in Trauma Sensitive Yoga.
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Today you’ll learn all about:
[3:53] Influences on Allan's interest in nutrition and fitness
[6:29] Factors contributing to his motivation and positive attitude toward fitness
[10:50] Personal connection with health and well-being
[14:12] Tracking habits and habit stacking
[19:39] Influence of developmental psychology and mindfulness training on his approach to fitness
[27:20] Overcoming resistance in his fitness journey
[31:15] Journey from emotional eating to mindful eating
[36:38] Evolution of his fitness goals and perception of the "finish line"
[38:23] Strategies and challenges of managing macros as a bariatric patient
[42:21] Maintaining a positive and passionate mindset in the face of fitness challenges
[45:43] The impact of our 1-on-1 coaching on his well-being and goal attainment
[49:03] Specific challenges overcome through our coaching relationship and coaching process
[55:06] Advice from Allan for beginners on their fitness journey
[59:53] The question Allan wished he was asked
[1:02:20] Where to connect with Allan
[1:03:01] Outro
Episode resources:
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Transcript
Allan Friedman 00:00
There's a positive regard that I have to what they're explaining. I listened to how they learned where they're coming from. So I'm an active learner, but I also know that when I learn something, I try and implement it.
Philip Pape 00:15
Welcome to the Wits & Weights podcast. I'm your host Philip pape, and this twice a week podcast is dedicated to helping you achieve physical self mastery by getting stronger. Optimizing your nutrition and upgrading your body composition will uncover science backed strategies for movement, metabolism, muscle and mindset with a skeptical eye on the fitness industry so you can look and feel your absolute best. Let's dive right in. Wits & Weights community Welcome to another episode of the Wits & Weights podcast. My guest today Alan Friedman is a member of the Wits & Weights community and one on one coaching client of mine who's gone through his own physical and mental transformation in our time together. He has a passion for sharing knowledge, engaging with fellow health and fitness enthusiast and always being of service. Today we'll explore his early influences in nutrition and fitness, his personal connection to health and well being and how his professional background and formed his fitness journey. Alan will share how he's overcome resistance developed a positive attitude toward fitness. Transition from emotional to mindful eating and manage nutrition as a bariatric patient will also delve into the challenges we've tackled together and the coaching process. Alan will share his advice on getting started how he maintains his unwavering positivity and passion throughout his fitness journey. Alan Friedman was a school psychologist for over 30 years skilled in developmental psychology, school psychology and mindfulness training. In the fitness industry. He loved being a spinning instructor for over 12 years. He maintains a yoga instructor certification with additional certification in trauma sensitive yoga. Alan has always been interested in physical and emotional wellness, and how we develop throughout our lifespan. He's an active learner and strives to create action plans that address his purpose and priorities. Allen cherishes life and wishes to bring a passionate and supportive positive vibe to others out, we finally made it happen. So welcome to the show, man.
Allan Friedman 02:15
Here we are. Here we are, wow, I'm listening to that intro. And I'm digging in deep as. And as we'll find out on this podcast, sometimes I just listened to things is go deep into it. And it's like, wow, these are important points. So I thank you very much, Philip, first of all, for your commitment and your dedication to the fitness industry, to the health industry. And your passion, your dedication and your energy is absolutely incredible. And it goes it doesn't go unnoticed. You know, it's it's, it's there.
Philip Pape 02:51
Yeah, man, I appreciate it. And I think you know, we attract each other into our world too, right. So let's not discount that. I mean, you know, you and I probably attracted to each other in some way out there. Because we are both positive, optimistic type people at least that's how I identify. And so it kind of worked out. And you know, the more we do this, and these have these conversations and the people listening can get can get motivated and fired up by that energy and what you have to share.
Allan Friedman 03:15
You mentioned something right off the cuff. I'll just say that what I was attracted to your to your community, was your wisdom was your questioning. On the different group us these intelligent questions, I said, Well, I said this guy really gets the science. He gets the he gets the research. And that's when I joined your Facebook group that oh,
Philip Pape 03:36
man, yeah, standing on the shoulders of giants, right as they say, I could accept a compliment and and I also want to pay it back to all the people that I have to thank for getting as well. Okay. Alright, let's get started. Let's get started. So I want to I want to learn a little bit more about maybe some things that even I haven't learned about you. Starting from your background. You mentioned before that your grandfather and also Jacqueline lane. These are some of your early influences on your interest in nutrition and fitness. So can you share about how these individuals or others have shaped your perspective, then they spurred this passion you have.
Allan Friedman 04:10
My grandfather was as my I would call him a nature boy. You know, he was an Eagle Scout Scoutmaster. He lost his father when he was young due to the flu, influenza epidemic. So he wanted to pay back and he was like, uh, he dedicated himself to the boys in the community in Brooklyn where he lived. So that was his impetus for my my mother said that, while he wanted to be an Eagle Scout, they taught me the phrases men are like owl and there's not a cloud in the sky. Look how blue the sky is. He told me to go for a hike and they told me about hiking. He told me about gardening. He a couple years before he passed away, that he told me how to make a vegetable garden. He taught me how to transplant you know, to all kinds of gardening and he passed away when I was 11 years old. So it was a sudden loss, tragic loss and then let's move along to my adolescent years, you know, when you're into your body, so a cousin of mine sit down and look what I have, I have these 12 packets of 10 or 12 packets of exercise programs, and they would do it yourself Jack the lane in your in your bedroom, you know. So I remember still my favorite memories of that when I was 15 years old, was doing tricep dips on my desk chair. Okay. And then going downstairs and having Titus cheese, you know, it's like so
Philip Pape 05:31
I remember doing doing the price. He already knew you had to get protein even back. That's right, exactly.
Allan Friedman 05:35
Yeah. And I always write. So I remember doing leg raises. I remember doing core work, all this stuff in my bedroom. And I remember telling her mind, he kind of says, so I was. So that goes back when I was 1516 years old.
Philip Pape 05:51
Now, where were you was this like, it was just like Arnold Schwarzenegger where he could just envision his muscles growing.
Allan Friedman 05:57
I was always fighting with X, I was always fighting with being overweight. Okay. So yeah, so I didn't I, I always was on the chunkier side. And so it was kind of like my way of kind of taken care of myself. I wasn't into sports into team sports, necessarily, although I did love riding my bike. And I liked other, you know, individual type sports, but I was not a team. Sport. Person.
Philip Pape 06:27
Okay, Scott. Cool. So now fat did was there a gap in there. So that was when you were a kid and then doing the tricep extensions on the chair and then eating the cottage cheese. I mean, we're take us now, today.
Allan Friedman 06:40
Oh, man. So today, there's a mantra we're going to skip to today. So there was a time where I gained a lot of weight. I just gained a lot of weight. When I was having kids, you know that, you know, that became daddy. And, you know, forget about me, it's all about, you know, about taking care of kids and working and trying to you know, keep the budget going and things of that sort. So I ended up gaining a lot of weight. At one point. At one point, I had a doctor who told me that if I wanted to see my grandkids, I have to lose weight. This is my this was in my early 30s, late 20s, early 30s. Okay, that's pretty young,
Philip Pape 07:23
right to be told that. Yes, yes. And you're saying your family your situation was that you're, you're very giving guy I know that about you. So you put others before you always what it sounds like? Yep. Okay.
Allan Friedman 07:36
So what happened was, and this is kind of like moving along my journey here. So my grandmother before she passed away, I used to take care of her, you know, when she was sick a little bit. And she said to me, Alan, she goes, you have to take care of yourself, because no one else will. You see, no, she saw a little bit that I wasn't I was a little, you know, she was concerned. So I did. I did. So I every time I'm telling you every time I go to the gym, even to this day to this year, so let's let's bridge the gap all these years. I say to myself, Alan, take care of yourself. Because no one else know. Because no one else, it's up to me who else is gonna lift the wings? Yeah, who else is going to go for a walk? You know, it's I have to have an internal locus of control, and make sure that I do what I need to do for myself. There's a saying that I have. And it's also part of my motivation, Phillip, if I'm only if I'm not for myself, who will be for me? If I'm not for myself, or if I'm only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when. And so it's a focus on the on myself or ourselves as individuals, that we have important work to do in this world. We have to take care of ourselves, and we have important work to do. However, it's not just about us, rail, if we're all in for ourselves, whatever, what are we you know, when we don't exist in a vacuum. So therefore, it's a call to action to other people are the commitments or their obligations, other acts of kindness that we do in this world? You know, reaching out? What in that in the context of also, I wouldn't say juxtaposition. I'd like to use Venn diagrams. So I think there's an intersection between ourselves and the community, and plus a call to action. Because just thinking about it and wondering the diary and writing down what you're grateful or appreciative of every morning is fine, but we need to act on what's important to us. And in my situation, bring it back full full for backwards back to the beginning, is that we need to take care of ourselves in order to take care of others as well. You know,
Philip Pape 09:55
ya know that we should sit with that concept, right? Because there's so much on social media and discussion about self love, self worth body image, body positivity, all these things. And the idea that pursuing some level of fitness or even aesthetics, or whatever the goal is, is somehow a self maybe a selfish pursuit, when what you're saying is that what drives us is our mission in the world, others, our family, to the people who care us, care about us and who we want to be a service of, and thus, don't we want to be our best selves, physically and mentally to make that happen and accomplish that mission. Right? Does that that's what we're saying. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And your quote, your mantra reminded that I think Epictetus has a quote, I use all the time as well, very similar of like, when are you going to demand the best for yourself? Because nobody else is going to do it? Right? demand the best? Yeah, so you have this deep personal connection with health and well being it's not just about lifting weights, right? It's not just about aesthetics, you've gone through a long trajectory of, of emotions of physical states of your relationships with others over the decades. So how does that play in? And how do you? How do you implement your mantra to stay consistent? Like, it's nice to say it, but how do you do that?
Allan Friedman 11:17
I want to initially say that it's meditative. I always tell my trainers and my friends at the gym, that lifting weights, and is meditative. Even high intensity interval training is meditative. Because when you go through the steps of the intensity, before you bring it back down, again, you have to understand where you're at, you need you need feedback, you need a heartrate monitor, perhaps you know, for some objective information, but you also have to realize what's happening to your body, your breath, your brain, your your state of being as you move through everything. And lifting weights is really about internal internal feedback. in mind, first, but also internal feedback. So every time I'm lifting weights, whatever I'm doing in the gym, whatever it is, there's a brace, there's a breath. And then there's an internal locus of focus. And, and that's kind of that, but I also feel that it's happened. It's the habits I've created, to act as a structure a foundation for what I need to do. Because getting to the gym, and getting for a walk, going for a walk, going to buy the proper groceries at a grocery store, right? The whole ball of wax built in, there has to be an underlying structure that you work from, that people work from. And I think that really helps me.
Philip Pape 12:51
You just hit on to so powerful concepts, just kind of lightly, what am I trying to say? Like, not flippantly, you just mentioned them. And to me, they're very powerful. The first one is that lifting weights is meditative. I've actually never heard it put that way by anybody. And you really struck a chord with me with that, because I'm the kind of guy who I like to I'm very rational, very logical, you know, to me, it's like lift weights, get a result, do this, get a result. And I don't really meditate, I don't do a lot of breath work and stuff, even though I've tried. It's just not ingrained in my habits like it could or should be. But I do lift weights, and I do heavy squats. And I know that process, when I turn off the music, no one's there. It's just me because I workout at home. So it's very meditative. And I'm thinking of a cue, I'm thinking of my breath, and I feel my, my abs pressing on the belt, and I feel the, the force going straight down into my heels through my squat shoes. And I'm looking at the position with me relative to the all of that, like you're saying is a high level of awareness and internal focus. And then, and all you're trying to do is go down and up. But it's this whole mindset thing. I love that because you can identify with people who love lifting weights and say, you know, you are engaging in a form of meditation when you do that. That's very powerful. That's very powerful, because it's really about resilience and the resilience you get from that. And then you tied it to habits, which is a whole separate thing, right? Where if you don't have the habits yet, how do you get those habits out on like, where should someone start? Trick, right?
Allan Friedman 14:28
Pen and paper. Okay, pen and paper. That's how I started. Why don't we hit the whiteboard, whiteboard or pen or paper or notes on the iPad on your phone. You don't need a fancy Apple though. There's a couple of great apps for habits. It's kind of also digging in deep, seeing what we need in the kitchen, in our action steps to get us to where we need to go. And one thing I've learned lately, since I've already established habits is habit stacking. I think that's amazing. So you might say, How do I go for a walk? Well, what do I like to do that I could pair with going for a walk? In my case, it's podcasts. All right, when I'm behind them, my podcast is because I'm not working my steps in the park.
Philip Pape 15:23
That's actually a great point, Alan, around yet another powerful thing, because I know we've talked about habit stacking a few times, but when my feed gets really long, I'm like, why is it long? Oh, because I took a D load week this week, and I wasn't lifting or walking as much. There you go. So maybe I should just go for an extra walk, catch up on my podcast, you're right. It's great. It's
Allan Friedman 15:43
right. So it's about, it's all about just building up one habit at a time, one step at a time. You know, maybe it's, it's, um, getting a gym clothes together, maybe it's first buying a nice shirt for the gym, you know, or a pair of shorts that you are dedicated, you might have two shirts and two shorts that, you know, you dedicate for working out. You have a protein you have, you know, you if you're mindful of nutrition, you have the nutrition set.
Philip Pape 16:13
You know, these are good techniques, I want to I want to stop there. Again, you're talking about like, having things you enjoy, or almost like a little reward or celebratory thing that gets you going right, it could be that new shirt, a new piece of equipment, you know, you don't always have to buy stuff and spend money. But even you mentioned a protein bar. Like if there's something if there's a protein bar you like versus one you don't that can make a difference in get having it right. You also mentioned the reminders in your phone. I need more selenium. So I added a habit that says Eat Brazil nuts every day at 11am. You know what I mean? I just added as a reminder, it sticks there and read until I do it. Right. My question to Philip is how many? Two? I just need to
Allan Friedman 16:52
That's it. Yep. Right? Right. Oh,
Philip Pape 16:55
you need a lot of calories too. So you got it.
Allan Friedman 16:58
I love it. I love it. I love it. But yeah, so um, yeah,
Philip Pape 17:03
cool. No, I just, I'm interrupting you on purpose. Because the things you're saying are really valuable for the listener to just dwell on it. Me too, right? I'm part of this podcast is I'm learning and then the listeners learning with me, one on one adding more on that because I have other things we can get into. There's one more thing also
Allan Friedman 17:18
I'd like to add to this accessibility. Okay, things need to be accessibility if things are hidden, or in a room you don't go to or in a draw that it's that you don't, that's not visible. There's a barrier between you and the action step with a habit. So I have my proteins, my protein powders, my creatine, like I have a little little area which used to have a carrot, the carrot moved away. So in the place of the Karen, I have my proteins, McHale, you know, all my all my supplements that I pre make ahead of time. So in the morning, I just have to dump a little Rubbermaid you know, recipe of all my powders, dump it into a shaker cup of water, and I'm out. There you go. So it's a matter of, of accessibility also.
Philip Pape 18:07
Yeah, that's a good way to put it. It accessibility, which is the opposite of resistance or opposite of a barrier. Yes. This is a
Allan Friedman 18:17
great way. Yeah, it's a good way to put it. It's right. There's less resistance. Yeah, between your goal or your habit. And what you need to do.
Philip Pape 18:26
Yeah, you know, I was, I was just listening to Darlene Marshall, she was on the show. I'm not sure. I think Chris might, I'm not sure if it'll be out by the time this one comes out. But she taught her latest episodes about micro habits, the idea that you don't have to have a habit every day, you can modularize your habits. And you just made me think of another concept related to that of time based habits. In other words, if if you have a lot more energy in the morning to do something, use that energy to prepare yourself for the habits when you normally wouldn't. So if you for me, that used to be when I would go to the gym, I would, in the afternoon, I'd prep my gym bag and prep all my stuff. I prep my workouts because I had all this energy. And then in the morning when it's 5am and I'm dragging myself out of bed, I'm like, Well, it'd be more work to put all that away than to just go to the gym. So I'm just gonna go to the gym. Yeah, really good stuff, man. I didn't know that. We'd get into whole habit strategies here. But this is good. It's part of
Allan Friedman 19:19
the ball of wax it is really is filled with which we were talking about my progress with talking about what I dig into. And these things that I dig into that helped me have success in what I'm doing, or mostly success, you know, every day is not perfect.
Philip Pape 19:35
And it's not going to be and that's cool, though, every day.
Allan Friedman 19:38
So let's see what else what else would you like to discuss? Well,
Philip Pape 19:41
I do want to connect your background as a school psychologist to your understanding of psychology in general, right developmental psychology, which is its own niche there and mindfulness training. So you have this interesting background, how does all that contribute to your approach today?
Allan Friedman 19:58
I think My training in psychology in my, in my profession has taught me to honor the individuals in front of me. When I have a student across from me at the table, I have to look at, I don't want to get specific necessarily, but I look at who they are as a person, I look at who, you know, for lack of a better word, I just say there's a soul sitting across from me, whatever this student is involved with, or needs help with, or whatever, what can I be of service? What can I do to reach this, this individual students? So I always I've learned to initially have a positive and unconditional positive regard. And I also have used well, that's one thing. And also developmentally, what does a student need? There was an incident a long time ago, where a principal was having difficulty with a student. I looked at the student, and within a minute, the student was calmer, more relaxed, and was able to, you know, principals able to work with what she needed to deal with in terms of parents, whatever that she sent out. And how did you do that? I said, I assessed what the student needed, developmentally. What is what is it? What is a six year old need? What does a four year old need? What does a 10 year old need? What is a 15 year old niece or an 18 year old? What's going on in their developmental stages that they need? That I can help them with? So this is kind of like jumping around umbrella points, so to speak, because there are so many umbrellas, and major points that I can point to, to answer your question.
Philip Pape 21:55
Yeah, I mean, bring it back, bring it back to your if you just had to sum up your philosophy today. Right? Right. But the between this positive, unconditional positive regard, understanding what people really need, people are people are individuals that have unique needs, and maybe deep, very deep down inside them. Who knows? And then the mindfulness training, right? How does that all bring us so are your
Allan Friedman 22:18
mindfulness training is amazing. It's then that are my yoga background. So I think that my work in psychology evolved a little bit more for mindfulness, stress reduction, meditative breathwork. So I often did different types of breathing techniques with my students who are in a state of anxiety. Its fellow co workers needed something. I was not there to work with, you know, to know that they, but But I think, you know, breath work is very powerful. I used to go into the chorus room, in music department, and do breath, work, breath, work meditation with the choral students, so they could access their breath, and understand their breath a little more than when they sing, you know, and pastoral things and things of that sort. So, there's a whole a whole blend, it's called being eclectic, you know, I love being eclectic, and having different tools to use for different reasons, you know, in different times. So I think, you know, I just think that we all need to dig into ourselves a little bit. And understand and have a focus. One thing that I've also learned is that we have to access our parasympathetic nervous system. We're always fight and flight, it's very easy to be fight and flight and fight. So what yoga does and breathwork does is it relaxes your mind from your body up. So the actual vagus nerve, you know, the vagal nerve that goes into your, into your abdomen, the innovation of that causes a relaxed state. And that's how breathwork works. That's how Yoga works. So we can be very working hard on our mats in yoga, but at the same time, we developed a relaxed state, because we're working the nervous system in such a way that we're able to kind of settle in. So that's kind of, you know, anti anxiety. Mindfulness, teachers use mindfulness in the classroom. There are so many techniques for teachers to develop a common denominator of atmosphere, and vibe in a classroom by starting off with a mindfulness exercise set sort of the world that kids get into focused and they're able to learn a little bit. So education and mindfulness is huge. There's some amazing, amazing psychologists who are who have done work on mindfulness and education. And that's research and practices ongoing.
Philip Pape 25:20
And I'm just letting you talk palette because you're relaxing me right now with theater. There's a you could just like, This is good. I'm just going to use this podcast time for my own, you know, mindfulness with Alan Friedman, social hour here just seriously, there's something to be said about even even connecting with somebody, I get the sense that that probably relaxes us to some some level here.
Allan Friedman 25:45
But when it says something, I remember, I remember being in Montana. Okay, cut back and cut, no cut bank, my bank, I was going to Glacier nationals on Route two in Montana. And I remember going to a an auto auto parts store need a new battery for something. And the owner's wife was telling me about her son. And I said to myself, you see, no matter where we are, no matter what, what, where we are, whether we're in New York, Montana, could be other countries kids need the same thing. Developmentally so this is developmentally there are some certain basics that people need, whether were an infant or whether were eight years old. It's just it's just their basic we could talk about Mazza we could talk a shot so many other things. But um, that was it. I think that's pretty much it isn't. It's a knowing that it's a knowing that people have different different requirements, different temperaments. And there are ways to work with, with people in in the gym, the same thing. You know, I have, we have friends, I hang out with people in the gym. And there's a certain vibe and and people tend to kind of understand where they're at. So a lot of people are doing the meditative work, like you said, Philip without even calling it meditation. Yeah.
Philip Pape 27:24
So we've talked, we touched on the idea of, of, of attacking resistance of eliminating barriers. But you would you've struggled like many of us, you had periods in your life where you struggled with physical fitness, right? With with your body with eating, emotional eating, things like that. What is it that potentially was missing at the time that you have found? Or maybe it was there and you just weren't using? Or what could have? What could have helped that person that now you're finding could help others?
Allan Friedman 27:55
That is a great question, which is going to lead me into some medical history.
Philip Pape 28:00
Okay. Do it if you're comfortable? Yeah,
Allan Friedman 28:03
sure. Well, I've always eaten healthy noise, but a lot, you know,
Philip Pape 28:14
suffered there suffer, there. Were words mean things, words mean things, and I want people to understand, right? That you can, and the word even the word healthy is has got some label, what am I trying to say? Some bias to it, depending on the context. Yeah. When you say eating healthy, I surmise You mean like eating whole foods, not eating too much processed foods, maybe not alcohol, whatever. But you were just eating too many calories. So totally possible, which means you could you could eat healthy, have too much. You could also eat not so healthy, but maintain the caloric balance you need. There's all combinations of this possible. Yeah,
Allan Friedman 28:52
there's one time that came home from school. And I mindlessly, mindlessly. So, some chocolate chips, melted them in the microwave, mix them in with peanut butter, and started eating the peanut butter and chocolate mix. I had a very hard day. And I just and then I stopped myself. I looked at what I was doing. And he said, Why am I eating this? What am I doing here? You know, and this was also during the weight loss phase. This was also when I was working on my weight lunchtime, you know, a while ago. And I said you know what? Eating is meditative. I'm, I'm I'm not thinking about it. But I'm engaging in a behavior that's trying to calm myself down. And I just said, now that I understand that I have to do something else. I can't be mixing peanut butter and chocolate chips.
Philip Pape 29:50
Oh, I got out and really you're just you're connecting so many dots. Yeah, I don't know if you realize that because we were talking about fit how exercise or squats or whatever. We're meditative. Almost like you're in a trance is another word maybe because I talked to another guy who talked about self hypnosis and use that terminology when we're just so focused and nothing else matters. And then you just said eating is meditative. And it's not like there's judgment on that. It just is what it is. And you're like, Well, now that I know that let's do something else meditative that benefits me.
Allan Friedman 30:19
Yes, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. 100% 100%. So that was a pivotal point in my life. And this goes back years. And you know, a while ago,
Philip Pape 30:32
hey, this is Philip. And I hope you're enjoying this episode of Wits & Weights. If you're looking to connect with like minded listeners on their health and fitness journeys, come join our free Facebook community. It's a supportive space where you can share your experiences, ask questions, and access free guides and weekly trainings. Just search for Wits & Weights on Facebook, or find the link in the show notes. Now back to the show.
Allan Friedman 30:55
So what let's bring this back to the question again, Philip, you want to refresh my memory? Because we're talking a lot. I'm thinking a lot.
Philip Pape 31:02
You know, what, these these conversations it almost doesn't matter what the question was, if if we get these revelations, yeah,
Allan Friedman 31:09
yeah, I just think also that, um, so my journey, my journey hit a point, right before COVID. So I had managed, managed, so I've been I've been a spin instructor. You know, I've been a yoga instructor. And always dealt with weight, always, always, but it got things got a little heavier for me, you know, things started kicking in. And I have, you know, a little bit of, you know, the cardiologists that have a GI doctor and have my, my regular physical, you know, in turn. And that long time ago, my GI doctor mentioned something to me about having a hysterectomy, stomach, hysterectomy, like, you know, slip jerking my stomach, that was a long time ago, because I don't if you have to think about this, I know somebody who might be. So go ahead eight years or nine years, and I call him back. And I said, Doctor said, you know, my weight is this. And it's COVID. And I know that if I were to get sick off a bit, I may not survive because of my obesity. 80 pounds ox and the ad pens. Oh, boy. Sure. And he said, Alan, you he said, Alan, yeah, he thinks it's a good idea. He gives me the green light. My primary doctor said Alan, you've been struggling with your weight a long time. Because I think it would help my cardiologist. He was all in. So scared to talk to him. And I sat in my examiner's office. He said, you know, with your family history, and your struggle, he said, It would be great. He said, I know. I know, someone I had stick with him. We went out for steaks, he had this procedure done. It took me five minutes to finish my mistake. It took him 25 minutes, almost a half an hour to finish this thing. He said he said he enjoyed every single bit of it. And he said it looks amazing. He said, You know, it might have been a colleague of his. So he said go for it. So I did. That was hard. Philip, it was the surgery itself was a piece of cake. But the work beforehand, I had to be I had to show their last week beforehand, they have gone a two week liquid diet to shrink the liver to shrink fat around the liver to shrink the liver so they can get to the stomach better. And then you're then then after a while, then you then you move yourself up, you know, to regular eating over the course of months. It's a biological learning curve again,
Philip Pape 33:57
you have to adapt to this. But before we get there, though, before we get there, so just playing devil's advocate, because I know people think this or when they judge people, they don't know their history of why they did things. It sounds like the pandemic was like the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of your personal health scare or reality or whatever, something that you knew you you wanted to deal with for years, but just hadn't had the impetus quite to take action. And why did you did you think that you didn't have any other option or that the a more natural approach would have been too risky or take too long, given your health was in danger?
Allan Friedman 34:34
Okay. I've had also other health issues history. So in my family, there's, there's there's other other metabolic conditions. I also had heart heart surgery, you know, a while ago, about 1516 years ago, so I'm in great shape. And with that background, I think I needed to do something more acutely
Philip Pape 34:59
the imminent risk was palpable. You had to take action.
Allan Friedman 35:02
Yes, you have to do something. Right. But it wasn't right away. I mean, I started this process in in May. And it took till October, you know, obviously, there's a whole process. It's not like I decided, and then two weeks later, I'm ready. Right? You know, it's a process and working with, as, you know, working with professionals about it. Really knowing that I have support and knowing that I have the skills to carry this through. Because it's not an easy fix. And, um, they'll tell everyone listening to this, you know, it's very easy to say, oh, you know, he now? No way because regain is real. And if anyone who's a bariatric patient use this, they'll say, Yes, Alan regained is real. It's a matter of so we regain, obviously. But the question is, and Philip, this is where we come into, into play. What is the quality of the regain? Okay? Is it muscle? Or is it extra fat? My, my bariatric doctor, it's too much. It's maybe three or four. But one of them is protein first. The second one is Wait, train.
Philip Pape 36:17
Great, and those are good mantras.
Allan Friedman 36:19
I said, I said that I said to him, I said, Listen, I don't want to look, look, I don't want to look, you know, like I'm 10 years older than I am. You know, like, I don't want to say I don't want to you know, he sit down, the best thing you can do is wait two or three times a week. And cardio he said but weight training and each Protein Protein first,
Philip Pape 36:38
where you had your weight trained up to that point, or just the yoga and the spinning and stuff like that.
Allan Friedman 36:44
I had done some weight training, but not as significant. Oh, yes, I've done weight training. Trust. Yes. So in the 1990s, I followed Bill Phillips body flag program. I weight trained all the way to to 2004 2005. And then it took a little hiatus. And then I became a spin instructor in 2009. So it was more of a cardio type of
Philip Pape 37:12
so you were like D trained at the time? I was Yeah. Okay. Yeah, no, just so people understand the history, but also your if you don't mind, what was your age at this point? Back then, when you had the surgery coming out of that
Allan Friedman 37:28
51 of those 61 Six. So figure it was
Philip Pape 37:34
I was just getting the ballpark
Allan Friedman 37:36
6160s 66 to 61. Just so people
Philip Pape 37:39
know that at whatever age you are, you can you can manage your health and you can improve your health. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Allan Friedman 37:44
So it was in my 60s was in my 60s. So actually, I had actually I had been lifting weights prior to the pandemic, but not as focused. And that is dialed in. I did have a trainer. I'm thinking back, I did have a trainer. But it wasn't the three day a week. Progressive loading.
Philip Pape 38:12
Yeah, so Okay, got it. So you may have you may have lifted weights more of as a form of exercise, not necessarily strength training and growth. 100% Yes, then you start doing it properly. So a lot of things are going to change. So we're getting to a pivot point, you have the surgery, you have this supportive doctor, which is rare. Sorry, I had to say that when it comes to lifting weights and protein, and it seems like a lot of things started changing at that point because you talked about the story of the chocolate and peanut butter, right? And emotional eating so I want to understand how that changed from emotional to mindful. And then also the other things that you do right tracking, planning, listening to your body, all these things,
Allan Friedman 38:55
okay, okay, yeah. head coaching. So coaching, yes, thanks
Philip Pape 39:00
for the plug. Yes coaching.
Allan Friedman 39:02
So let's go through this. So originally, go ahead restate that again, because a lot of things my mind right now I'm sorry.
Philip Pape 39:10
Yes. So what changed after you had the surgery? How did you start to develop more beneficial practices for your health? Okay,
Allan Friedman 39:20
the kitchen first of all, my kitchen became loaded with with healthy proteins. When I can only eat my stomach I really feel comfortable only eating about five to six ounces of salad protein right now. Pretty much and maybe a little vegetables and stuff like that, but it's protein first. So I had to maximize the kitchen. First. Ground beef, dark meat, chicken, eggs, egg whites, flaxseed, pumpkin seeds, you know all the things that they don't, but and it was a buildup. So first There was just kind of cheese and fish, or cottage cheese mixed with eggs or egg whites, you know when it first started, so it's it's a progression. So I also don't feel like I want to fill my day with chips with ice cream. Even if a tailor tap, I mean, I don't want to waste my, my capacity and my macro factor goals and our goals to other foods that have very poor nutritional value.
Philip Pape 40:36
How did that happen, though? How did you get to that mindset? I mean, you said you already always ate healthy foods.
Allan Friedman 40:42
I was gonna say, Oh, I always had that mindset. When I was a kid I loved or open those nutritional by nutrition Bible. I mean, I was I had a part time job at the vitamin shop.
Philip Pape 40:54
But use your time to butter chocolate and peanut butter. I'm gonna come back to that because you mentioned that not that those aren't delicious foods in and of themselves, trust me. But the way you ate it in that emotional state, and it was mindless, like that's what I'm trying to get at. So that the people listening who might be struggling with that understand how can they turn that corner? Putting a lot on your hair, man?
Allan Friedman 41:15
No, I would say first of all, it's a matter of choosing. So instead of that I'll have yogurt with berries, or I'll have PB two. You know, awesome. I still have my peanut butter. I can just show you what's in that cabinet over there. Okay.
Philip Pape 41:37
Yeah, so you're replacing I replace the starting place.
Allan Friedman 41:40
I still enjoy my peanut butter, but it's PB two. I mix flaxseed with Pb two with pumpkin seeds, and maybe a tablespoon of oatmeal. I put it in a ramekin or a little saucer and mix it up with little skim milk. And I have myself a nice treat, you know. So like to me, that to me is a great treat. I don't need the peanut butter and chocolate. And if I want chocolate, I could get dark chocolate church and have I have dark chocolate. Or I could Mix powdered cacao and mix it in with, with whatever I'm using. You know, so I What about the mindset? It's a mindset.
Philip Pape 42:21
Yeah, and I'm trying to take one more level because there's the there's the emotional trigger part of it, right. So I totally love that strategy of replacing I use it all the time as well. Like if you love crunchy things, you can replace them with other crunchy things. But then we also don't want to mindlessly eat those, quote unquote healthier snacks. So there's that aspect to it.
Allan Friedman 42:38
I think I work too hard to sabotage myself again. No digging down a little bit.
Philip Pape 42:45
So you love yourself is what's driving you right now. And you always have it's I'm sure. But like, the stakes are high,
Allan Friedman 42:53
the stakes are higher now. And yeah, I'll have I'll have peanut butter once in a while, and I'll have chocolate, but I won't be mindlessly have digging into Haagen Dazs was in my fridge, my freezer, it's linked to something else because I'm working too hard. When I start doing something, it's like, okay, I have macro factor to be responsible to I need to log everything. So it keeps me in check. And if I do have something, I have to be accountable for it. But I'm dialed into my weight training program, Phillip,
Philip Pape 43:25
there you go. There you go. You're dialed it, yes, you're dialing in and everything is everything is compounding on everything else is what I'm hearing from you. It's like this helps. This helps this the way you eat, the way you move, the way you train the fact you have your you're a bariatric patient, all of those things. Plus coaching helps obviously, that's extrinsic motivation. The community helps you talk about, you know, your family, your loved ones as well helping you and I've had conversations. So that's a great message for people to understand that it takes one thing, but then it can start to lead to another to another. And, and help you do this.
Allan Friedman 43:59
Like I said, You we create a whole ball of wax. And if people are visual, think of a Venn diagram of how things so I had like a 3d Venn diagram moment where it's not just the the bubbles like intersecting, but then building upon each other. So we have different layers of different layers of blends, not just a unit, not just a flatland, but it's layers. So what you describe Phillip just now is so accurate, because it's a layering of habits or layering of intention that continues to build upon itself. Yeah.
Philip Pape 44:38
Yeah, Larry. And another another phrase I learned recently is upward spiraling, again was from talking to Darlene same, I think from positive psychology. Yeah.
Allan Friedman 44:47
I think that's why I thought of it again when I heard that yes, yes. Yes. So okay. Yeah, go ahead. Wow. Wow. I'm feeling like wow, it's pretty intense. I just want also to share that just having a bariatric procedure is not the easy way out. It is a action that leads to further responsibility. incredible responsibility. And I own that responsibility. And maybe that's what you're hearing, you know, you and our listeners today, here is this responsibility that I have, to my health, and to what I've done in my life, you know,
Philip Pape 45:30
it's a great way to put it. Yeah, like your past happened, whether whether it was because of your choices, or not, which we know that some of it is your choices, but that's fine. Now you took responsibility for your future. So now, I'm curious. And this is, because we are in a one on one coaching relationship as well. We met through macro factors, since we both use that we were in the community there. I talked about that app all the time here, people are tired of it by now. But uh, how has the coaching independent of everything else helped you? I really am curious on how, like, if if we I feel like if we hadn't been in a coaching relationship, you still would have been successful. But I want to know, what, what the extra contribution was in leveling up your progress over the last six months?
Allan Friedman 46:17
Well, you've taught me things about myself. You had a vision that I did not see myself. Like, let's get down to the deeper parts of the Sunday. Okay. It's not about the technique. It's not about necessarily about the weekly forms I have to fill out. It's not about it's about the results of my weekly assessments with you. It's about our conversation about your conversation with me. It's about realizing that I don't know everything myself. And my mindset for so long, has all been about the scale, the number on the scale, it has to go down, it has to go down, it has to go down, it has to go down. And if the while man, that's not appropriate, right? I mean, it is appropriate at given times for sure, at given times. But right now we're on maintenance. And I'll say, everyone, you use this phrase, there's magic in that maintenance. And Tony, Philip, we've talked about this before. So the magic and maintenance is also dovetailed, juxtaposed to leaning into you as a coach. So the magic of maintenance is not just about my macros, it's about your wisdom, your coaching, you are beings laying a foundation of support for me to be in maintenance and say, Wow, man, it's okay. I gained three pounds, but I've kept that weight for five weeks. And my muscles look great, and my pants still fit, and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And maybe I gained a half a pound of muscle on the other Renfrow scale, I don't know, whatever. I mean, that gives me that's a grain of salt. You know, you can take that with a grain of salt. But I feel good. I were attacked out this week, first time in a long time. And I like whoa. So that's, that's where the coaching that's independent. That's where the coaching is done. It made me believe that I have the power inside of me to make progress in a way that I did not know myself, that it took you and your wisdom and your knowledge to say, oh, let's try and do this. And I was petrified. But you mentioned in your previous podcasts, and that when you go into maintenance, people are anxious about gaining weight. I was there, I was so nervous. I was like, I'm going to eat and I'm going to gain weight. And I'm going to end up over this weight. And I'm not going to look. But that didn't happen. So you know.
Philip Pape 49:04
So, so here's what here's what I'm hearing from you, Alan, because a lot of people think coaches are, are there to maybe provide information, right, but a lot of a lot of folks know what to do. I mean, you're you're above, above average, in terms of that knowledge, right? Because you listen to all the podcasts you read you. I mean, we and you and I go back and forth on the research, you send me articles, all that stuff. That's totally beside the point. It's these other things you didn't know you had inside you. It's maybe a relief from some of the stress, right? I'm hearing like, you're just able to unload on someone else that can support you. And I'm the kind of guy that it just like, I'm not gonna get stressed by your stress, right? Because you're not me. I'm not emotionally invested. I'm emotionally invested in your success. But but your stress, you can just kind of throw it over the throat of a wall. We'll just get rid of it over here. It's great. It's crazy. You know, like Just to think that you didn't know what you were fully capable of. And it wasn't that you couldn't lose weight, it was that you couldn't stop losing weight without thinking it would all go off the rails. Yeah.
Allan Friedman 50:14
Another thing that your coaching has helped in general, this whole process my mom passed away about, you know, with passed away also in 2021. And I just think that what I'm doing for myself, is honoring her as well. Because she always wanted me to take care of myself. And she was happy when I had the surgery. And she looked at me beautiful, you're doing this. So it's like, everything. So talking, you're talking about stress, that's one thing we didn't talk about yet, was the biggest stress in my life, the biggest upset, but also learning, I learned a lot was my mom got sick, and she passed away. So with that being said, let's bring you into the picture. Now, let's bring your coaching into the picture. So not only so now I haven't I added another, another leg to the foundation of what I need to do for myself. And I leaned into you with Trust. You're safe. You're safeness. You know you're very safe about what you do your wisdom. I also think that you're also have an amazing capacity for communication, and allowing people to become introspective. And I think all of those things together, combined with what I had said before, create the unique coaching experience that I've extended had with you.
Philip Pape 51:46
Well, thank you, Alan, I don't I don't know what to say. Because there's always a little bit of imposter syndrome in me too, like we all have, of you know, like, the idea of wisdom and all that. But one thing I one thing I think about talking to you is you have a background in psychology. I'm not a therapist, I don't have a background in psychology, nor do I purport to do that at all. And sometimes there's a difference in, in the approach between psychologists and coaches, right, psychologists often help with the past and healing. And coaches are like, what do we do now going forward? What tools do we use to move ahead? I'm not saying that that's there's not a Venn diagram of overlap. Okay, but from my perspective, even when you're talking to me about your mom, you know, one thing I always feel I struggle with is like, how to properly respond to that and empathize with people. And everybody struggles with that, right? When others are going through these difficult times. It's like, what do you say? It's always it's a universal human question and concern. But, but I always come back to Okay, what does Alan need now from me? And because he's got other things that are going to give him the support, maybe in that personal area? What does he need for me? And what did he hire me for? And what are we doing here? And that was kind of helping you move through it, you know, not not necessarily to process it, that's more of your own thing to to manage? And again, I'm not a therapist, it's just how do we move forward, I my focus for you is your health, your physical health, which does give help with your emotional health? So how do I help you move forward with that? Right? So that's where having a coach can definitely help. Yeah, cool.
Allan Friedman 53:18
And the ability to lean into the coach, not every not every client can lean into a coach. It's kind of like, people coming into the spin room and saying, out, are you gonna kill us today? No, now why do I want to kill you, I want to I want to build your I want to build, you know, build this build the, you know, build a skyscraper, and that just bring it to the penthouse, you know, so, so it's like, we have to leave our ego at the door, you know, Philip, I want to lose weight, I want to lose 15 pounds, by in six months time, I want to be 12 to 15 pounds lighter. And there's a whole picture that I can still stay the same or even gain a little bit, but also have a better body composition. So it's a matter of me also leaving my ego. And my directive is I'm a very directive person very. And it's like leaving that to the side and say, okay, maybe I need to listen to to someone else. Maybe I need to listen to a coach, maybe I need. I'm going to try maintenance, Phillip might have an idea. So I did. But it's that openness. It's that breath that we take that pause to allow things in. If we're always, if we're always on the go, and we don't, if we don't if we are a cup is always full. If we always have a full vessel. We can't take in we can't learn. So part of it is emptying the vessel a little bit to bring in
Philip Pape 54:48
all that's good, that's good. And a vessel. I know it's a metaphorical vessel, but there's also literal like our day to day schedule, our time all the things that we do vessel As part of that, and you're speaking to me to Alan, trying to empty that vessel a little bit. Okay, so Well, if somebody's listening, they're like, Wow, we're getting into a lot of deep stuff here, but also a lot of actionable strategies along the way. What advice would you give to someone just starting their fitness journey? They might be 65. They might be 25. And you know, they might be 90? I don't know. And they feel overwhelmed, right. There's information. There's misinformation, there's training programs, nutrition plans, coaches, websites, social media, books, podcasts, you name it. Let's take a breath. Where should someone start? In your opinion?
Allan Friedman 55:36
They just start where they are. There's so much in social media, so much around this, that say, we should be here. We should we should we should be shredded. We should be this I'm never going to be shredded. You know, I seriously, it's like, but but I'll be out look good. Okay, so I think people need to honor what I'd like to express to people who are just starting out no matter what age, people might be starting out, if they're a disability, if they're surgery after an illness, they might be starting out because they want to lose weight, they may be starting up a so many different reasons. And that's why I'm going to pause it this. See where you're at. Invest in a trainer, invest in a coach, someone you can talk to, even if it's just for one session, or two sessions, see where you're at, identify your goals, honor where you're at. Because it's step it's a step by step process. But the only way to go one step at a time is to honor and see what your needs are, where you want to go. Knowing that what your why is where you were, you know, what is creating your why. And, and the why is powerful. The why is like something that takes you into periods of plateaus. When you're in a plateau. When you say, oh, man, I just want to give up the why you did Why are you doing this? Why did you start you know, take a week off, take a diet, break whatever you want to work, quote. But know that your why is there and you have to really want to return to it. So that's what I would say on away or at, reach out to someone professional. Write things down diary, what's going on? Get an objective opinion, objective, look at what's going on with you at the hearing now and where you want to go. And why. What's creating the pivotal point? What's creating this pivot point in you that you want to make a change? Where are you at? And when you close your eyes, what do you envision for yourself? For some people, it might be just be able to walk around the block. And for some people, it might be lifting 10 pounds, for some people that might be able to walk up and down stairs, again. Okay. So some people, you might be bench pressing, you know, it might be you know, whatever. For me, it's hanging from a bar and doing chin ups. Okay, you know, I look at calls. Yeah,
Allan Friedman 58:24
I'm making a joke, but it's, but it's very serious. You know, so take everything where you're at. You know, there was a time when walking up a hill. When did me after my heart after I had my heart procedure. It took me a while to walk up. When I used to walk across the street to come home. I live on a hill, I had to walk diagonally instead of straight up the hill. Because I would get out of breath after the surgery. So I was walking though. Okay, so I had to build myself up. And my cardiologist said, Alan, you have no restrictions. You can get on the spin bike after after this time, and you can do this. But my physicality needed to come back to itself.
Philip Pape 59:13
And you engage in form of progressive overload by starting where you're at. And then going from there. Yes, exactly. Works with everything in life. I think it's good advice. Cool. All right. So people are going to get out there pen and paper, they're going to reflect on what they want out of life and why and then start where you're at and go find some resources, you know, special help people, podcasts, whatever, find resources. And this is a great resource, Allen's a great resource, we're going to maybe hook you up with his contact info in the show notes, we'll see but he's in our community. Either way, if you want to join in, reach out to him.
Allan Friedman 59:45
I'm on Facebook. You know, I don't post a lot but um, if you want to reach out to me, send me a message. I'll, you know, I'll be glad to respond.
Philip Pape 59:53
So you know what I'm gonna ask next. It's the penultimate question, Alan, since you I know you listen to the podcast and what is what There's one question you wish I had asked, and what is your answer?
Allan Friedman 1:00:03
Oh? Where do I get this desire to learn from? Where do I get? What, you know, what is my impetus behind learning? You know?
Philip Pape 1:00:12
Yeah, your curiosity, your passion, your learning. All right.
Allan Friedman 1:00:16
So this is saying, who is wise, one who learns from everyone. So, not that I absorb everything unconditionally, because it definitely has to go through a filter, sometimes, you know, at times. But, um, but I am always there questioning and learning. am learning and listening to other people who are wise we surround ourselves with people who, who have something to offer in terms of their own experience, there are mentorship abilities. So I think when we surround ourselves with people who are wise, who are scholarly, who are wise to the world, and that sort of unnecessarily intellectually, but who were mentors, I mean, that's like, that's, like, you know, a brotherhood that's like, you know, or, you know, our fellowship of, of how we learn. So I'm always honoring. So this goes back to my original mantra of positive regard. Okay. So when people listen to people, I, you know, there's a positive regard that I have to what they're explaining, I listen to how they learned where they're coming from. So I'm an active learner. But I also know that when I learned something, I try and implement it. So we all know, you know, call Behrman has has a has a, you know, the prep work, right? You know, so there's a call to action. And then there's a lot of a lot of different things that I do. But learning is important, but transferring it into action steps to make an impact. You know, learning is a change of behavior, and observable change of behavior.
Philip Pape 1:01:58
And that's good. That's good, right? It's not just consuming. It's changing your behavior from what you hear and what you learn, right? Yes. Right.
Allan Friedman 1:02:06
So that's it. You know, who is wise one who learns from everyone Great.
Philip Pape 1:02:12
One who learns from everyone, I'm trying to do that with this podcast, man bring on people that I can learn from and the listener can learn from so let's, but let's take action as well. So you definitely gave me personally some things to think about. And I'm sure the listener I mean, just all the things we covered. So where where do you want listeners to reach out to you or learn about you,
Allan Friedman 1:02:30
they can reach out to me on Facebook, I have an Instagram or perhaps in the community on the Facebook page, you know, if they want to come into the Facebook page, I'm active there. And there'll be a great place for them to correspond with me.
Philip Pape 1:02:47
All right, yeah, we'll put the links to the your Facebook profile as well as the Wits & Weights Facebook community where Alan hangs out regularly. And man that was just as this is awesome. I mean, we got into things that we didn't expect and a lot of value for the listener. So man, thanks so much. Thanks for coming.
Allan Friedman 1:03:01
And Phil, thank you for inviting me. I hope I was of some help and value to your listeners and your community and the community that we both a part of, and I wish everybody who's listening a little good things. Just
Philip Pape 1:03:18
all good things. And with that, we'll say toodaloo Thanks, Alan. If you've been inspired by today's interview, and are ready to take action and build momentum on your health and fitness journey, just schedule a free 30 minute nutrition momentum call with me using the link in my show notes. I promise not to sell or pitch you on anything, but I will help you gain some perspective and guidance so we can get you on the right track toward looking and feeling your best
